Yeeeeowwwch!!!!

I hope your New Years was great! Mine was not so great.

On New Years Eve, I slipped and fell on a wet floor in my house and broke my ankle so badly that it was just flopping around on the end of my leg...no stability at all.

I have to have surgery on January 10th to put a pin and six screws in. Yeooowwch!

Our house hunting trip to Seattle was planned for Jan. 22nd, but we'll have to cancel that now. My husband's commissioning ceremony will still take place on February 1st and he'll still go to school from Feb 4th-March 7th (without returning home at all during that time), and all of our family will still fly in for the ceremony and reception to follow.

I'll be in a non-weight bearing cast for five weeks after the surgery and then a walking cast or boot for three weeks before transitioning into a regular shoe about a week before we drive across the country to find a new home.

We'll have 4 weeks to find a home and move in before David gets deployed for 7 months, so it will definitely be a rush, but it can be done.

I'm in soooo much pain. I'm made comfortable enough with vicodan every four hours, but I'm definitely ready for my next dose far before it gets here.

It is just amazing to me how a split second can change everything. One minute I'm standing upright, normal day, normal after shower routine and the next, I'm facing more pain than I have ever felt before.

It happened like this:

I was getting my make up out to get ready for a grocery shopping trip. We'd just finished a two mile walk, so the song, "You got me and Jesus" was running through my head as it was the last song I heard on my mp3 player. I looked in the mirror and decided that I needed to pluck a few eye brows before doing anything else, so I hunted around my bathroom for a set a tweezers. None to be found.

I stepped down into my dressing room with my right foot, slipped on the water left there by Bren running from my shower to her bathroom for a bottle of princess shampoo we'd gotten her for Christmas. In an effort to not crack my head by falling backwards, I attempted to bring my other foot underneath me, but it didn't work as planned. I came crashing down on the inside of my left foot and just snapped it.

I remember being spralled out on the floor in my bath robe and looking down at something protruding from the inside of my ankle like a babies foot protrudes from a pregnant stomach and I knew. It just all flooded in at one time....

no trip to Seattle,

no cleaning and preparing my house excitedly as company arrived for David's commissioning ceremony.

Oh no! The commissioning ceremony!

How was I going to get up the flight of stairs to the stage to participate in my part of the ceremony?!

What about our house hunting trip?

How were we going to find a house and move in before David deploys?

I have about 100 e-bay auctions to run and about 40 sets to photograph...what now?

Thoughts were buzzing through my head and leaving to fly around the room and come right back, stinging with the realization that I was not only not going to be doing any of those things, but I couldn't even get up.

Oh, my toes. Thank God I can move my toes!

David and the boys came flying in the room, none of them knowing what to do. The boys ran right back out shocked by the horror of my screams and the frightening look in my eyes. They peeked only their heads through the doorway, the rest of their bodies were in the hall way in case they needed to run.

David, his face white and his hands in his hair held it together for me as best as he could. He grabbed a scarf to wrap my limp and flopping foot. He brought my clothes to me and wriggled them onto my body. He helped me down the stairs and to the van. Once at the hospital I was taken to x-ray, given an iv and pumped up with morphine until I could close my eyes and exhale.

A few hours later, they discharged me with a bottle of vicodan and instructions to call and schedule a surgery date.

For the first three days I was in bed, leg elevated, head dizzy. Everytime I closed my eyes, I would relive the moment when I brought my foot down on that wet floor. What if I had dried it first? What if I had gotten the shampoo Bren had wanted for her and she'd never dripped all over the floor? What if I had done anything else at all except for what I did?

Why? Why now?

This is probably the busiest month I've had in a long time. I was excited about so many things. Looking forward to time away with David. Our first to speak of in our 15 years of marriage. I had houses lined up. I had the car rented and the hotel room reserved. Why can't I go!? It's just not fair.

Yesterday I was able to close my eyes and not hear the snap of my bones or the sound of my screams every time. I got up and went downstairs to watch a movie with the kids. It was hard and put a big strain on my body, but I did it.

On January 2nd a big box arrived. I fought back bitter tears because those boxes full of sets for Bren to model usually filled me with such excitement and creative energy....but now, now that was taken from me to. Now I had nothing but frustration and fear because I wanted to do an incredible job for this designer and yet, I was so limited. I had Madison lay all the sets out on the bed I was stuck in so that I could look at them. I thought for three days about what I could do with them that would satisfy my desire to be creative and also please the designer while still allowing me to protect my healing ankle.

I shot those sets today.

It took three hours, but it was such a relief to know that I am still capable. I was on a rolling stool and had a lot of help from Madison and David, but I made it through. Bren did awesome and I'm so proud of her! David moved the computer up to the bedroom so I could edit the photos while elevating my leg and it's has worked wonderfully. It feels good to know that with all I can't do, there are still things that I can do!

Things could have been worse.

I'm told that often in my kind of break, there are certain bones that almost always break as well as the ones that I snapped. Those are still in tact. yippee!

David could have been deployed when this happened.

Then where would I be?

He's been so wonderful. Such a comfort to me and a rock for the kids. He's cooked some great meals and has kept on top of the house as much as he can.

He's wrapped my leg up in plastic bags and helped me in and out of the shower, and he's come in to check on me or called from work so many times that I can't possibly get lonely.

He's such a blessing to me.

So, today after my success in the studio, I am in alot of pain. I probably over did it, but it lifted my spirits so much. A trade off I'm willing to make at this point.

My revised New Years Resolutions:

1. Tell my husband I love him every day.

2. Delight in little things like orange jello made by a four year old especially for her mommy even though I heard her say that she "wants her other mommy back...the one without the hurt foot."

3.Lift those 1.5 pound weights David just bought me to strengthen my arms since they'll be carrying me around for the next two months.

4. Make the best of my down time. After I can manage my pain without medication, there are lots of things I'd like to read and research.

5. Look on the bright side.

6. Stop asking why.