Thursday, May 7, 2009

The List.

I know of alot of lists.

There are
Best Seller lists
Shopping lists
To-Do lists
Christmas lists
Bucket lists.
But I've been keeping a special list over the last 17 years.
My list is called:
The Words That Should Not Have To Come Out Of My Mouth list.

In honor of Mother's Day,
I thought I would share my list with you.

The Words That Should Not Have To Come Out Of My Mouth.

by Becca Cleary
1. Do not ollie your skateboard off of the roof.
2. Trash bags are not parachutes. Even if you stand on the second story deck
and the wind catches the bag and billows it out behind you,
it will not ease or stop your rapid descent to the ground.
3. Do not draw pretty pictures on the side of the van with a stick.
4. Do not attempt to double bounce your brother off of the trampoline by jumping from the second story deck.
5. Do not microwave play-dough.
6. Do not put more than two frogs in each of your pockets. Studies have shown
that cramming 7 or 8 frogs into each pocket and then running home to show mommy
your frog family will result in neither happy nor lively frogs.
7. Do not climb onto the roof just so you can excitedly wave "hi" to me through the skylight.
And please do not take your little brother with you when you do this.
8. Do not stand on your bunk bed and squirt water on your ceiling with a squirt gun so you can
write your initials in the softening plaster.
9. Do not pee on the tree in the front yard in broad daylight. There is a perfectly good tree
in the backyard behind our privacy fence.
10. Do not tie a rope to your bike and pull your brother around
on his skateboard or rollerblades or plastic snow sled disc.
11. Crayons are not food. Not even the red ones. Not even if they say Strawberry red
on them and smell yummy.
12. Do not flush any action figures even Aqua Man, down the toilet.
13. Do not flush any fruit larger than a grape down the toilet.
14. Do not practice your color blends by emptying four bottles of food coloring
into your bath water with you.
15. Do not be so proud of the new word you learned to spell that you write it
on every accessible surface of the house and van. I'm very happy that you can spell
"HOT", but lets keep it on the paper, OK?
16. Do not fill the soap dispenser in the dishwasher with Dawn. And then don't accidentally
do it again a few days later just because all of those bubbles were "so fun."
17. Do not put pop tarts into the VHS player.
18. Do not kiss all manner of fish that you catch in the pond before you throw them back.
I don't know what will grow on your lips, but it won't be pleasant.
19. Do not cover yourself from head to toe with permanent marker.
20. Do not tie things to the ceiling fan and then turn the ceiling fan on
so you can play "dodge the things flying from the ceiling fan blades".
21. Do not replace the tire in our tire swing with a skateboard deck so you can launch yourself
from the top of the fence across the yard and back again.
22. Do not unravel millions of yards of toilet paper just so you can make a pretty wedding gown.
23. Do not shave your eyebrows off.
24. Do not super glue any body part to any other body part or any one person to any other person. ever.
25. Do not fill your belly up with beans at dinner just so you can light your farts on fire with your friends later that night!

So there you have it Momma's!
25 actual sentences that should have never come out of my mouth,
but did!
This journey we call motherhood sure is a crazy ride, isn't it?
A crazy, exhilerating, humbling,
rewarding, smile making, heart pounding,
self sacrificing, lesson learning,
undeniably life changing gift of a ride!
But it is so worth it!

Every little kick felt in utero that spawns the unspeakable joy of anticipation,
every prayer whistpered over a sleeping infant,
every googly-eyed smile,
every frustrating day spent with a busy two year old,
every bouquet of colorful weeds or mud-pies served up with love,
every "hey, mom watch this" shouted from the playground,
every eye roll from a know it all teen,
every glance up at the stands from the field just to see if you saw that,
every rush of joy and pride in seeing your child shine,
every night spent in fervent prayer over something your child is facing
every triumph realized in secret and failure made in public
worth the ride.

So, to all the mom's out there riding this Mom-Coaster with me,
the ones who are just out of the starting gate,
ticking up their first hill,
the ones who are gliding through the middle bumps and twists
your hands raised high and the wind in your hair,
the ones screaming down a steep incline
gripping the handbar for dear life
or bracing yourself through a double loop
feeling those G's,
to the ones gliding through their final curves,
their cheeks still flushed from the rush of past inclines and drops,
Hang on, Sisters!
Keep your arms and legs inside the ride at all times.
Make sure your seat belt is securely fastened.
Keep your eyes toward the front
and most of all
enjoy this thrilling ride!!
Your car only crosses these same tracks once,
and girls, it's FAST!
Don't close your eyes so tightly
through the scary parts
that you miss
the "happy" in the ride.
And Pssst.....
Let me warn you,
do you see that huge hill right there in the middle?
The one whose summit you can barely see?
I'm told that that one is a doozie,
but the ride down....
Oh, I hear that it brings a level of joy
not experienced on any other part of the track.
I've got an interesting mix of excitement and fear
swimming around in my belly like so many butterflies over that one!
Happy Mother's Day to all of my fellow "Mom-Coaster" riders!!


Heidi said...

you give me smiles & goosebumps! I LOVE your writing skillz!
I LOL through your whole list by the way...I love your kids!!!

Laura said...

that was awesome!. Im pretty good at keeping a more a less updated journal. Im going to have to remember to do this when my kids come along.

To an awesome mom with some pretty awesome kids, an awesome husband and to your even awesome mama, happy mothers day to you and your mom Becca! Your something special.

Anonymous said...

I love it Becca! I especially love the ceiling fan :) I have this irrational fear of them that has more to do with banging a head on them, but that's just another reason not to get one!


Anonymous said...


Christa said...

Amazing, Becca...I enjoyed every word. :)

Oney said...

Laughing out loud here! Yep...I've said some things that should never have been even entered into my mind!