A Flicker of Hope.....

So I go to my pre-op today and aside from the fact that there will be a surgery at all, it looks like mostly good news. I will need one plate along the outer side of my left ankle. This will be held in place by six to seven screws. This will be all the hardware that I will have installed unless they find that my ankle won't stay in socket on it's own. If that is the case, I will have one long screw from end to end stabalizing the main bone. In that case, it will be removed in 3 months, but otherwise, the remaining hardware is mine to keep forevah!

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Dr. Bradley, who seems very nice, by the way, (not quite "McDreamy" nice

but nice just the same) talked me through what is going to take place on Thursday, shockingly denied my request to have the gas mask put directly on my face upon checking in, therefore nullifying the anxiety I am feeling over getting the IV, but did surprisingly agree to see me on January 22nd to evaluate me for flight! He said that IF I'm healing exceptionally well, and IF I feel like it then he will give the OK for my own McDreamy and I to take flight westward and continue on with our plans to house hunt!!

I was VERY excited until I crutched my way down the hall to the elevator, out of the elevator to the back of the building, into the van, out of the van, to our front step where a hot pink fluffy mushroom chair was strategically placed so that I could just sit directly on it and be pulled inside instead of having to step up to get inside the house. (I'm spoiled, I know!)

I then crutched my way through the kitchen, through the dining room, through the living room and through the foyer to our front staircase. I handed my crutches to McDreamy, sat on the bottom step and proceded to one legged crab walk to the top of the ridiculously steep and long stair case. Once at the top, I always have the same feeling of panic.

What now? How the heck do I get from sitting to standing and not fall forward down the stairs? McDreamy always calmly reminds me that I again use a chair. Our steps are so that a chair can sit on the second to top step allowing me to crawl up on it, sit and be spun around so that I am level with the actual top step and can then lean on my crutches while pulling myself off the chair and viola....I've successfully, but not so gracefully ascended the staircase.

The thought hits me that almost every house we want to view is a two story....um...do I really want this to be a public display? Who do you think will let us rent their house once they've seen me grunting and groaning in a modified crabwalk up their stairs? Every homeowner will need only one phrase when referring to me in subsequent weeks as they review their possible renters.... it will sound something like this...

"Oh honey, you remember that nice looking navy officer and his short little blonde headed wife with the southern accent?"

Husband scratches head.

"You know the one with a cast on her foot?"

"Oh, Crab-Walk lady!"

So, I'm adding a new requirement to my Doctor's expectations on the 22nd.

1.Must be healing wonderfully

2. Must feel like I can handle it

and most importantly,

3. Must have decided upon and mastered a more dignified way to ascend a staircase! :)

Musings from the bed.....

Some things I have learned while being stuck in bed...

1. According to HGTV, my style type is Ethnic Eclectic.

You can take your own quiz here to find out what your style is.

2. I hate the viewers choice for the Dream home Master Bedroom design. Blue stripes? It just doesn't fit the house at all. I think it is way to "country".

3. I think I could flip my own house now after all the hours of home improvement/decorating/appraising and staging that I have watched this week. A skill that might come in handy someday....ya never know.

4. I can go exactly 8 daylight hours without peeing! hey, when crutching your way to the bathroom is the equivilent of piercing your foot through the heel with a sword and then twisting it with every step, you learn the value of mind over matter!

5. Just because the first prescription of pain meds that I was given said to take 1 or 2 pills every 4 hours ( which I modified to one pill every 2 hours ), does not mean that the new prescription hubby picked up is to be taken the same way. I've been taking one every 2 hours for the last three days and just realized when I uploaded this photo that the directions say 1 or 2 pills every SIX hours! ooops! No wonder the room spins every time I sit up!

6. Besides pain management and water, two absolute essentials for me are chapstick to keep my lips soft and lotion for my face. And a nice gift basket from grandma is just icing on the cake! My mom also sent me a gift basket of nuts and fruits...perfect for bedside snacking.


7. If Bren and I keep going at the rate we are with her workbooks, she might be ready for middle school by the time I transition to my regular shoe! She's just blazing through them! Getting her to read a little might be a nice goal while I have all of this downtime.



8. Nothing beats a bedside visit from someone who thinks you "got that rama-jamma" ( a quote taken from one of her big sisters old cheers.) Even though it took her fours days to get over the fear of hurting my foot, Bren now spends a good part of each day sitting in bed with me.

This Makes Me Happy....

Even though the yellow background is not right for this designer, I'm still so happy with these photos because for me they represent hope.

I'll be re-shooting these adorable sets in hi-key after my surgery, but I could not help posting a few of my favorites anyway.

I think I may frame this one for my wall. Something about the bench and her smile I just love.

Madison was able to get in on this shoot too with these cute coordinating jeans!

Yeeeeowwwch!!!!

I hope your New Years was great! Mine was not so great.

On New Years Eve, I slipped and fell on a wet floor in my house and broke my ankle so badly that it was just flopping around on the end of my leg...no stability at all.

I have to have surgery on January 10th to put a pin and six screws in. Yeooowwch!

Our house hunting trip to Seattle was planned for Jan. 22nd, but we'll have to cancel that now. My husband's commissioning ceremony will still take place on February 1st and he'll still go to school from Feb 4th-March 7th (without returning home at all during that time), and all of our family will still fly in for the ceremony and reception to follow.

I'll be in a non-weight bearing cast for five weeks after the surgery and then a walking cast or boot for three weeks before transitioning into a regular shoe about a week before we drive across the country to find a new home.

We'll have 4 weeks to find a home and move in before David gets deployed for 7 months, so it will definitely be a rush, but it can be done.

I'm in soooo much pain. I'm made comfortable enough with vicodan every four hours, but I'm definitely ready for my next dose far before it gets here.

It is just amazing to me how a split second can change everything. One minute I'm standing upright, normal day, normal after shower routine and the next, I'm facing more pain than I have ever felt before.

It happened like this:

I was getting my make up out to get ready for a grocery shopping trip. We'd just finished a two mile walk, so the song, "You got me and Jesus" was running through my head as it was the last song I heard on my mp3 player. I looked in the mirror and decided that I needed to pluck a few eye brows before doing anything else, so I hunted around my bathroom for a set a tweezers. None to be found.

I stepped down into my dressing room with my right foot, slipped on the water left there by Bren running from my shower to her bathroom for a bottle of princess shampoo we'd gotten her for Christmas. In an effort to not crack my head by falling backwards, I attempted to bring my other foot underneath me, but it didn't work as planned. I came crashing down on the inside of my left foot and just snapped it.

I remember being spralled out on the floor in my bath robe and looking down at something protruding from the inside of my ankle like a babies foot protrudes from a pregnant stomach and I knew. It just all flooded in at one time....

no trip to Seattle,

no cleaning and preparing my house excitedly as company arrived for David's commissioning ceremony.

Oh no! The commissioning ceremony!

How was I going to get up the flight of stairs to the stage to participate in my part of the ceremony?!

What about our house hunting trip?

How were we going to find a house and move in before David deploys?

I have about 100 e-bay auctions to run and about 40 sets to photograph...what now?

Thoughts were buzzing through my head and leaving to fly around the room and come right back, stinging with the realization that I was not only not going to be doing any of those things, but I couldn't even get up.

Oh, my toes. Thank God I can move my toes!

David and the boys came flying in the room, none of them knowing what to do. The boys ran right back out shocked by the horror of my screams and the frightening look in my eyes. They peeked only their heads through the doorway, the rest of their bodies were in the hall way in case they needed to run.

David, his face white and his hands in his hair held it together for me as best as he could. He grabbed a scarf to wrap my limp and flopping foot. He brought my clothes to me and wriggled them onto my body. He helped me down the stairs and to the van. Once at the hospital I was taken to x-ray, given an iv and pumped up with morphine until I could close my eyes and exhale.

A few hours later, they discharged me with a bottle of vicodan and instructions to call and schedule a surgery date.

For the first three days I was in bed, leg elevated, head dizzy. Everytime I closed my eyes, I would relive the moment when I brought my foot down on that wet floor. What if I had dried it first? What if I had gotten the shampoo Bren had wanted for her and she'd never dripped all over the floor? What if I had done anything else at all except for what I did?

Why? Why now?

This is probably the busiest month I've had in a long time. I was excited about so many things. Looking forward to time away with David. Our first to speak of in our 15 years of marriage. I had houses lined up. I had the car rented and the hotel room reserved. Why can't I go!? It's just not fair.

Yesterday I was able to close my eyes and not hear the snap of my bones or the sound of my screams every time. I got up and went downstairs to watch a movie with the kids. It was hard and put a big strain on my body, but I did it.

On January 2nd a big box arrived. I fought back bitter tears because those boxes full of sets for Bren to model usually filled me with such excitement and creative energy....but now, now that was taken from me to. Now I had nothing but frustration and fear because I wanted to do an incredible job for this designer and yet, I was so limited. I had Madison lay all the sets out on the bed I was stuck in so that I could look at them. I thought for three days about what I could do with them that would satisfy my desire to be creative and also please the designer while still allowing me to protect my healing ankle.

I shot those sets today.

It took three hours, but it was such a relief to know that I am still capable. I was on a rolling stool and had a lot of help from Madison and David, but I made it through. Bren did awesome and I'm so proud of her! David moved the computer up to the bedroom so I could edit the photos while elevating my leg and it's has worked wonderfully. It feels good to know that with all I can't do, there are still things that I can do!

Things could have been worse.

I'm told that often in my kind of break, there are certain bones that almost always break as well as the ones that I snapped. Those are still in tact. yippee!

David could have been deployed when this happened.

Then where would I be?

He's been so wonderful. Such a comfort to me and a rock for the kids. He's cooked some great meals and has kept on top of the house as much as he can.

He's wrapped my leg up in plastic bags and helped me in and out of the shower, and he's come in to check on me or called from work so many times that I can't possibly get lonely.

He's such a blessing to me.

So, today after my success in the studio, I am in alot of pain. I probably over did it, but it lifted my spirits so much. A trade off I'm willing to make at this point.

My revised New Years Resolutions:

1. Tell my husband I love him every day.

2. Delight in little things like orange jello made by a four year old especially for her mommy even though I heard her say that she "wants her other mommy back...the one without the hurt foot."

3.Lift those 1.5 pound weights David just bought me to strengthen my arms since they'll be carrying me around for the next two months.

4. Make the best of my down time. After I can manage my pain without medication, there are lots of things I'd like to read and research.

5. Look on the bright side.

6. Stop asking why.

Ready, Set, Open!!

Photographer's disclaimer:

I appologize in advance for the quality of these photos! Sometimes, like on Christmas morning before the sun is even up, it's more important to get the shot than to worry about proper exposure!

Ah! Christmas morning! It takes months to plan and save for, days to select and shop for gifts, hours and hours to wrap those gifts and 4.2333 minutes of frenzied paper tearing to end all of the anticipation!

One of Bren's favorite gifts! Now she can turn the camera on me!

This is the kitty that she asked Santa for everytime she visited him. This was one seriously wanted little cat and Bren's thrilled to have her. Her name is "Piggie-Pie"!

And for those of you who secretly think that I overload this blog with photos after photo of Bren, this is why! Here's what I get 90% of the time I try to take a photo of one of my other kids!!

From our family to yours, we wish you a Happy New Year!!!!!

The perfect gift, make believe and a chubby cheeked smile!

Now what could make a better day than that?

My favorite baby boy model came over today to let me photograph him in a few Spring sets.

He did awesome as usual!

Cody's big sister Kayla and Brendell had a playdate while I got to have adult conversation with their beautiful mommy!

I don't know who enjoyed this time more, Bren because she got to bring out all of her toys and play make believe until her heart was content, or me who got to sit and talk to Marica who I find so uplifting and fun to know.

Even Cody got in on the girl's play! Only a real man can look this cute while chewing on the beads of a Dora purse handle!

And as if it wasn't enough to let me photograph her baby and bring entertainment along for Bren in the form of her giggly daughter Kayla, Marica surprised me with these stamped cards, mini-notebook, and box of chocolates!!!!! Have you ever seen a more clever gift? I was just blown away by them and I can't wait to use the cards!!! I'm definitely going to hire her to make about 50 more of them for me!

At Home with Bren......

I've decided that I need to take more photos documenting everyday things instead of just modeling photos or photos where we are doing some sort of special activity. The whole basis of my photography philosophy is to capture connections, relationships and personalities so that our stories can be told to future generations. Aren't our real stories best told in the normalcy of ordinary everyday home life? Where else are we more real?

So, in keeping with what I love best about being a photographer, I'm going to dedicate myself to telling the story of our everyday home life here with my crazy family of six by snapping at least one photo everyday depicting just plain old life with the Clearys.

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My challenge to you for the new year is to do the same! Get out your camera and snap at least one photo everyday. Ten, Twenty years from now those photos will be such a gift and you will be so happy you saw beauty in the ordinary!

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We'll start with yesterday..... This is Bren being Bren. No designer clothes, no studio lights....just Bren and one of her dolls dancing around the living room.

I think Bren might just be the thirstiest girl in the universe! She's constantly asking for a drink. Her favorite is, "Apple juice in a blue cup." But a red cup had to do for today.

A Baby's Hug

Ok, so I had my cry this morning and here's why....

I got his e-mail from my Dad.

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We were the only family with children in the restaurant.

I sat Erik in a high chair and noticed everyone was quietly sitting and talking.

Suddenly, Erik squealed with glee and said, 'Hi.'

He pounded his fat baby hands on the high chair tray.

His eyes were crinkled in laughter and his mouth was bared in a toothless grin,

as he wriggled and giggled with merriment.

I looked around and saw the source of his merriment.

It was a man whose pants were baggy with a zipper at half-mast and his toes poked

out of would-be shoes.

His shirt was dirty and his hair was uncombed and unwashed.

His whiskers were too short to be called a beard

and his nose was so varicose it looked like a road map.

We were too far from him to smell, but I was sure he smelled.

His hands waved and flapped on loose wrists.

'Hi there, baby; hi there, big boy. I see ya, buster,' the man said to Erik.

My husband and I exchanged looks, 'What do we do?'

Erik continued to laugh and answer, 'Hi.'

Everyone in the restaurant noticed and looked at us and then at the man.

The old geezer was creating a nuisance with my beautiful baby.

Our meal came and the man began shouting from across the room,

'Do ya patty cake? Do you know peek-a-boo? Hey, look, he knows peek- a-boo.'

Nobody thought the old man was cute.

He was obviously drunk.

My husband and I were embarrassed.

We ate in silence; all except for Erik, who was running through his repertoire for the admiring skid-row bum, who in turn, reciprocated with his cute comments.

We finally got through the meal and headed for the door.

My husband went to pay the check and told me to meet him in the parking lot.

The old man sat poised between me and the door.

'Lord, just let me out of here before he speaks to me or Erik,' I prayed.

As I drew closer to the man, I turned my back trying to sidestep him

and avoid any air he might be breathing.

As I did, Erik leaned over my arm, reaching with both arms in a baby's 'pick-me-up' position. Before I could stop him, Erik had propelled himself from my arms to the man.

Suddenly a very old smelly man and a very young baby consummated their love and kinship. Erik in an act of total trust, love, and submission laid his tiny head upon the man's ragged shoulder.

The man's eyes closed, and I saw tears hover beneath his lashes.

His aged hands full of grime, pain, and hard labor, cradled my baby's bottom and stroked his back.

No two beings have ever loved so deeply for so short a time.

I stood awestruck.

The old man rocked and cradled Erik in his arms and his eyes opened and set squarely on mine. He said in a firm commanding voice, 'You take care of this baby.'

Somehow I managed, 'I will,' from a throat that contained a stone.

He pried Erik from his chest, lovingly and longingly, as though

he were in pain.

I received my baby, and the man said, 'God bless you, ma'am, you've given me my Christmas gift.'

I said nothing more than a muttered thanks.

With Erik in my arms, I ran for the car.

My husband was wondering why I was crying and holding Erik so tightly, and why I was saying, 'My God, my God, forgive me.'

I had just witnessed Christ's love shown through the innocence of a tiny child who saw no sin, who made no judgment; a child who saw a soul, and a mother who saw a suit of clothes.

I was a Christian who was blind, holding a child who was not.

I felt it was God asking, 'Are you willing to share your son for a moment?'

when He shared His for all eternity.

The ragged old man, unwittingly, had reminded me, 'To enter the

Kingdom of God , we must become as little children.'

If this has blessed you, please bless others by sending it on. Sometimes, it takes a child to remind us of what is really important. We must always remember who we are, where we came from and, mosti mportantly, how we feel about others. The clothes on your back or the car that you drive or the house that you live in does not define you at all; it is how you treat your fellow man that identifies who you are.

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Dry eyes, anyone?

Thanks Dad!

Slip Sliding Away!

Fun in the snow just would not be complete without sitting on a peice of plastic and flinging yourself down an icy hill side !

All of these photos were taken at our second location. Our first location had a hill way too steep to climb up with a camera. The first hill was a super fast ride consisting of two very long hills connected by just enough of a level area to act as a ramp catapulting the rider into the air for frequent crash landings! It was a blast! I even threw myself off of that first hill and after a forward flip and face plant landing, decided that I was so thankful I had not brought my camera out on this location so that no one could immortalize that proud, ultra-smooth moment!

Even Bren participated at hill number two. She had so much fun!

And so did David!!!! Check out this air!

We took a total of eleven kids ranging in age from 4 to 16. It was fun hanging out with our kid's friends and watching them have such a great time!