The fine line at the end of our driveway.

So we've had 7 year old attitude

up to our ears for the past

few weeks.

I'm not sure what has gotten into our

little princess, but she has

taken sass to the next level lately!

This morning we were waiting for the school bus

and the sass monster bit again.

Brendell's timing is impecable because

her bus was rumbling

down the street

just as the defiant words were

coming out of her mouth.

As the bus groaned to a stop and

the doors squeeked open,

I was still sizzling from

frustration and ok, I'll admit it, anger

at the little thing bounding up the school bus steps.

How dare she talk to me that way!

She knows better!

I bet other little girls don't sass their moms as

much as she sasses me!

What the heck am I doing wrong?!

Each thought seared through my brain

and sucked out my joy

and a good bit of my ability to reason

by the time she was seated.

I looked up at the window and saw

the familiar round cheeked smile

come across her face as she raised her hand to wave.

Stunned and seething I reluctantly put my hand in the air

but my smile was slow to appear.

She frowned and slowly took her hand down

only to bring it up again when I finally let my

smile swallow up my raw emotions

and waved more energetically.

All morning the shocked saddness in her eyes

when she didn't see me

joyfully bidding her goodbye as I usually do

haunted me and pricked at my heart.

I felt guilty because I hadn't wanted to smile back.

I hadn't wanted to wave.

I wanted to teach her a lesson and

stomp off and deny her

my acceptance.

Ug!

How selfish and immature of me!

What right did I have to deny my deviant child

the pleasure of my complete and utter delight

at who she is and the gift I have in her?

It is her actions that I do not accept,

not her as a person.

She would have gotten the opposite

message this morning

had I not pushed my anger down.

Today at the end of our driveway, I walked that fine line

between righteous admonition

and selfish manipulation

and for a few seconds I had my

foot firmly planted in ugly indignation.

I am so thankful that my creator
doesn't do that to me when
I sass Him.
He has never kept his affection from me.
His thoughts toward me are
always good.
He sees me as redeemed and clean.
He loves me wildly with a perfect
love that I don't deserve,
but it is so freely lavished on me
not because of who I am
but because of who He is!
I can't do anything to make Him love me less
and I can't do anything to make Him love me more.
He's always there waving enthusiastically
with a great big smile and a heart
full of love for me
no matter how I have behaved.
Oh how I want to portray that image
to my children!
I know that the disciplinary style of a parent
can greatly affect the child's view of God.
I don't want them to think that if they
do something wrong
that God withdrawls from them.
I want them to know that
no matter how many rules they break
or how many times they disobey,
I will always accept them for who they are
and I will not withhold my love and
affection for them.
This certainly doesn't mean that there are no consequences
for doing something wrong.
But it does mean that the way I see my kids
and what I think about them
in my heart
is not what is at stake
when they disobey.
They are loved totally and completely
by me and most importantly
by their creator
no matter how many times they
break the rules.
As for the sass monster?
I'm working on an extermination plan
as I type this!