I have IAN disorder.

I have Internally Audible Narrative disorder.

I really do.

I don't know if I should be alarmed or not

but that's just the way I think.

No matter what the situation,

I'm thinking in a narrative 90% of the time.

Take for instance a potentially

emotional event like

the first day of school for your last child.

This is what plays in my head

as I walk Bren to class the first day,

"Her little heart pounds as she enters the classroom

for the first time.

she has been the new girl so often in her

young life,

but she never gets used to it.

She is thankful that her mom is with her

and gives her hand a squeeze.

As the goodbye nears, her grip gets tighter,

but she fights back

the tears welling up in her

big green eyes and

puts on a brave face.

One quick embrace and she's on her own."

If I try hard enough,

I can even hear the music

playing in the background

begging every last drop of emotion out of the scene!

See?

Is that normal?

It's like I'm living in the moment,

(really, I am!)

but I'm preparing to retell it on demand

in a way that puts people right in my shoes.

It's sorta like a tool for me to grab

a hold of every emotion happening

in and around me

and organize them into a flow of words

so that I won't forget it.

Should I seek help?

Wait there's more....

I also think this way about important

or meaningful future events.

I will anticipate it in story form.

Like right now,

I am anticipating the arrival of

my oldest son

who will be here for 10 days in November.

I will admit to this narrative,

"Her fingers moved over the plates

as she pulled them out of the drawer.

Six again.

Always six.

She still hadn't gotten used to

just pulling out five.

But soon six will be the right number again.

For a little while anyway."

Now

before you campaign to have me admitted

to the funny-farm,

let me further explain......

It's not like a detached male voice

like the movie trailer voice over guy

and it's not like everytime I go grocery shopping

I'm hearing,

"List in hand, she walks into the store

headed straight for the frozen food section

to gather meat for her starving family!"

It's not that bad yet.

Please tell me I am not the weirdest person you know.

Perhaps I am subconsciously preparing

to write an award winning epic novel.

Perhaps I drink too much caffeine.

It could be that I've dyed my hair one too many times

or that I need more fiber in my diet.

Whatever the cause,

I think this abnormality

may actually help me

in the things I do.

Take photography for example.

When I drive by a wall with peeling paint,

an old weathered barn,

abandoned buildings with vines growing on the walls,

brightly colored doors,

unique staircases

or quaint side streets,

This is what happens to my soul...

well, first I squeal and almost

drive off the road,

but then

I automatically place a person there

whether it be

a bride with a flowing vail,

a family,

a little girl in a tu-tu

or even a tiny newborn

and I create a photo in my mind

that tells the story of the scene that

has distracted me enough to risk fatal injury.

I don't necessarily hear a narrative,

ok well, sometimes I do,

but it's more like the components of a

story yet to be told.

I may never actually get to shoot the

photograph that my mind insist must happen

because the location could be inaccessible

(without colossal effort)

and I don't currently know any brides

plus I doubt anyone would let me

put their tiny little newborn on a dirty

brick and weathered wood window sill

of a mental hospital.

But whether it happens or not

doesn't matter.

The fact is that the scene haunts me

everytime I pass the spot

and is very possibly responsible for fueling my

photo session location choices

and shooting style.

I love to put newness next to broken down,

clean next to dirty

and softness next to hardness.

I think that creating that contrast makes the

most interesting story.

During my sessions,

I find that I am trying to create that

contrast as often as I can

without risking bodily injury

of course.

Here are a few examples

from my most recent sessions

and how "IAN"

transfers to my

photo vision.

This one was just way too easy!

This turquoise grocery cart was sitting off to the side of this wall

just waiting to be filled with little girls

in petticoats!

Score!

This was my clients idea,

but fits in very well with my style.

Pink bare feet with rolled up jeans

on hard concrete steps,

yup...right up my alley!

Brightly colored doors....I just had to shoot here!


More colored doors
with an urban feel.



Another cool door,
a little gothic looking.
A ruffled little girl and a kiss
was the perfect way to go.



As soon as I saw this rusted metal wall
I knew exactly what I was gonna do with it
and it turned out to be one of my favorite shots of the shoot.
Thanks IAN!


It took a few shots to get the "mood" I wanted
for this couple,
but I got it.
When I shoot couples,
I try to create an emotion with the photo.
Sometimes I want it to be smoldering
and sexy,
other times I'm just after fun!
I want the photos to tell the story of them.
(without disembodied voices)


I've always wanted to do a "cafe shot"
and alas, we happened upon a table and chairs.



What else could you do with a brick
alley way
except maybe put a newborn in a basket
right in the middle of it?

(DUH!)

There's the old wall with the vine growing
on it. More couple love stories!



This staircase
was made for these two!
There's a whole story in my mind
about the boy in the blue shoes
and his ruffly little sister.



I have driven past this old staircase
several times since we've lived here
and I always saw two little girls on it.
Just my luck that
I had two little clients with me
when shooting at this location.



The rusted out wall again.
It's the perfect compliment to her
sweetness.


Who can resist
the giggles of little kids?
Place it up against a weathered trailor
and it's magic to me.



This is one of my new favorite locations.
It is an old abandoned store with the
most fabulous peeling blue paint.
It makes my pink rug pop
and showcases another giggly girl
perfectly.

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I know this isn't rocket science
and I'm not the most creative person alive,
although I might just be the craziest,
but I just thought you might
enjoy a little peek into what goes on
inside my brain when
I pick my locations and backgrounds.
And as for that little abnormality I have?
I'm just going to embrace IAN
and call it what it is...
voices inside my head!




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